where did the azaleas go & why is that stump there?

We've been married for just over a year now and I still haven't quite gotten the house to where I want it.  I've finally convinced myself that there will always be a project.  If I could just hit a small jackpot, I could buy what I want, hire "help", and get it done.  But that will never happen.  This is life, and I don't play the lottery.  And if it did happen, I would still need another project in a month or so. 

Call me crazy?  Yes, I know.  But I also know that most of ya'll are the same way.  My Aunt Pam consistently makes yearly (possibly bi-yearly) adjustments to her home, and I have flashbacks of my mom updating a bedroom, dining room, living room, or kitchen on a regular (regular = all the time - the madness never ends) basis.  Those flashbacks could be a result of too much paint inhalation as a child from her never ending "projects".  You know, I may have had a legit argument all those times I threatened to call DSS.  Mama would just say, "call them, they'll take you, not me."  {Don't worry, I had a "normal" (non-abusive) childhood.  All children threaten to call DSS when they get in trouble or don't get their way, right?  Please say yes.}  And for the record, she is still always changing something!  Every time I come home she gives me the "let me show you what I did" tour which leads to "let me show you what I want to do next and I want you to help" deal.  Can a girl catch a break?  Just kidding - I love it (and wish I lived closer so we could do our projects all the time, but then we would both be DIY broke)!

Anyways, for now I do feel like I have a good grip on the inside of our house and can put some things on hold.  Now we plan to shift our project focus to updating the outdoor components of our home, landscaping in particular.  Our first plan of action is to work on the front flower beds.  We have casually talked about what we want to do, but we haven't actually had a sit down discussion to really map out a plan.  The sit down discussions are key in a relationship, but it seems John Eric did not get that memo.

Yesterday evening after work, John Eric let me know he was going to mow the grass and do some yard work.  I don't speak man language well so I assumed this meant mowing the grass and putting the lawn mower away, because like I said, we haven't mapped out a plan for the yard which is was supposed to get started next weekend.  The sun was starting to set, signaling he had been out there for much longer than a lawn mowing, but he was out of my hair so I certainly wasn't going to interrupt.  I heard the buzzing of what I assumed to be electrical trimmers so I knew he was fine and just piddling as usual.  When he came back in he went straight for the shower, but when he came strutting out of the bathroom I knew I was in for a treat.

John Eric entered the living room with his chest poked out and big grin on his face when he told me to go look at the yard.  I thought he just wanted me to see how he trimmed the shrubs or something - it isn't like the yard is a disaster or anything, so what could be so great that I needed to see?  I went out there, and this is what I found...

click here if you can't view picture

along with three other stumps in our FRONT, NOW BARE, flower bed!!!  Yes, Mr. Wonderful took the liberty of removing the azaleas that lined the front porch.  We discussed mentioned removing them from there, but this is not exactly how I envisioned it.  I'm not mad...I actually couldn't help but laugh...but here are the problems I have with this:

1. I didn't want them there, but I didn't want them moved removed until we drew out exactly what we wanted to do.
2. I thought we were saving the azaleas to put somewhere in a side bed.
3. They have to be dug up.  They don't magically go away because you sawed them off. 
4. Nothing can be planted there until the roots and all have been removed.  Duh.
5. We won't have time this weekend to do anything and what if rains next weekend?  I guess we are stuck indefinitely with azalea stumps for curb appeal. 
6. Again...this wasn't discussed yet!!!

Really, all I can do is laugh.  He was so proud of himself.  He says he knows they have to be surgically removed, but he just decided he wanted them gone now.  So...if you needed a bone spur taken off are you just going to saw it off when you feel like it?? No, you would discuss it with your doctor and have a plan.  Why am I so stuck on this discuss and plan thing?  Because that is what couples do!  Even if it is as minor as changing out a flower bed.  You don't rob a bank because you want the money now...you set out a plan and save! 

Well, you can imagine how shocked I am by this.  Honestly, I don't really care about those shrubs; I only cared about them because I care about him.  The week before The Masters he gets so excited because his azaleas start blooming.  He walks around the house waving his Masters golf towel and makes me go outside to "look at the azaleas" at least once a day for a 2 week period.  We even have to stop in the driveway to take a minute (or three) to admire their hot pink blooms.  I didn't want that taken away from him.  It gets him so excited and pumped up for his favorite event and that makes me happy.  But I guess as the saying goes, he will learn the hard way.  We will have azaleas somewhere in that yard and we will continue our Masters routine each year.  So, get to work on figuring out that plan, my love.

I hope all you newly weds can also learn a lesson from this.  Don't do anything without consulting your wife, unless you want to do it twice.

surprise part deux

Where were we?  I believe we ended with John Eric and the pillow (and I’ll just leave it at that).  Nothing more really happened at the house.  Anna and I continued in getting the food ready and eventually getting ourselves ready.  John Eric continued on with his antics.  Then Anna continued playing the buffer between us since I didn’t have my wine. 

We were finally able to get ready and get out of the house.  But a day of cooking isn’t successful without a couple of accidents thrown in.  I forgot to tell you that I nearly burnt my eyebrows off when I turned on the stove top.  We called John Hanna (it was his guest house we were staying in) to laugh about the story and to make sure we weren’t about to burn down the house.  No remorse from him.  His response?  “At least Jean won’t have to pluck her eyebrows for tonight.”  I have to admit, that made me laugh.  I still had to pluck them though.  We didn’t have enough grape jelly & ketchup for the meatballs and we didn’t have any sour cream for my dip.  We are pretty smart gals and we were able to make it work, but those secrets will be left unsaid.  The last appetizer we had to make were Totino’s Pizza Rolls (which are always a hit and the easiest thing you could possibly do).  We made the mistake of letting John Eric finish that task so we would be ready on time.  Lets just say we were blessed that only one pizza roll ended up charred on the bottom of the oven (oops…sorry John Hanna).

After a long ride of listening to Jimmy and John Eric “sing” Willy & Waylon we finally arrived at The Game Changer to get the party started.  John Eric did not have a clue and was completely surprised!  See the look of surprise on his face below?  Or are you wondering what is in the crock pot?

isn't his outfit cute?

The night was filled lots of smiles and laughs...

Kelly & Anna

Michaux, Whitney, and Me

Kris & Chaux acting frisky!

Chasity & Rivers

Jimmy (aka Waylon) & Kelly

Anderson Girls: Me, Ashleigh, Michaux, Whitney

Mama & Carol (Carol is a big fan of this picture.)

The night went on with some PG shagging...

Michaux & Mr. Bubba

then PG-13...

then John Eric took it to a whole new level...Here is a little preview...

Yes, he is taking his shirt off.  Let's just say he put on a very special routine & pulled out some signature moves for everyone.  The rest is history.  "What happens at The Game Changer, stays at The Game Changer."

But he better hope this shoe wasn't left at The Game Changer.

surprise party escapades

I have a confession to make and I hope you won’t be too upset with me.  Remember my last post featuring an outfit for John Eric to wear to an engagement party this past weekend?  You know, the one with the hunky boxer bod?  Yeah...I thought that would jar your memory.  I have to come clean and tell you that we weren’t really going to an engagement party.  We were actually going to JOHN ERIC’S 30^TH SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY!  And I must say it was a success!

I’m sure you’ve already figured out by now that I couldn’t tell ya’ll the truth last week because John Eric does his husbandly duty of supporting my blog and reading each and every post.  Actually, I usually read them out loud to him first to make sure he laughs.  Either way, I had to be sure to play up the engagement party and not give away the slightest hint! 

I must say that I’m not sure why people stress so when trying to give a surprise party.  This weekend I found that as long as you have great friends it's no trouble at all.  We are so blessed with amazing friends and family that pulling this off was a breeze!  They are so amazing that I didn't have to ask for their help, they immediately volunteered it.  The wonderful ladies helped tremendously by bringing a dish (dish is the Southern term for Hors d'œuvre) and arriving early enough to set up and choreograph the surprise.  Now the men on the other hand did not quite hold up their end of the bargain. 

You see, that same day the Rowdy River Club was having their 3rd annual Poker Run on The Little Pee Dee River.  Everyone was planning to participate, so all the men were responsible for was keeping John Eric occupied and making sure he didn't drink too much.  (Don't get the wrong idea.  He's not some crazy drunk, but I knew it would be a long day and it's hard to resist a cold beer out on the river on a beautiful day such as Saturday.)  I wasn't born yesterday.  I knew he would come back a little tipsy.  But what I arrived to find at the house later that day was a surprise for me.

Before I go any further, let me make sure I give these men some credit.  They are some the finest men who have been family friends for a very long time and have welcomed John Eric into the group with arms wide open.  They’re marvelous and a whole lotta’ fun, but I have to give them a hard time every now and then.

Back to my arrival (from mine and Anna’s grocery trip – she came to spend the day with me, help me get ready, and play a pawn in the surprise preparation)...as we returned from the grocery store, we pulled into the drive to find every door in the house (that was supposed to be unoccupied) wide open, a dining chair pulled out on the front stoop (still not sure why because John Eric doesn’t smoke), and John Eric’s shoes tossed in the front yard.  Not really a big deal that he was there, but it definitely caught me off guard.  We walked in, with hands full of groceries, to find the birthday boy lounging on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table, reading his new Archibald Rutledge book.  I’m sure Anna and I both thought, “oh good, he is relaxing”, but before we could convince ourselves of that he turns his head to look at us, stares for a second, rolls his eyes like a woman, then says, “don’t worry about me – nope, don’t worry about ole’ Buffy – I can’t believe ya’ll just left me”.  We couldn't help but laugh.  Either at the fact that he just referred to himself in the third person as "Buffy" or at the whole routine he had just put on.  But it was at that moment that I knew he had a little too much fun today.  (Later he told me that everyone was giving him drinks and telling him it was for his birthday.)

He continued on with similar antics for a little while, and then decided he wanted me to draw him a bath, get him a drink, and fix him a pizza.  His argument for all of this was that it was his birthday.  Could you imagine what it could have been like had he known this entire weekend really was all about him?  I played sweet wifey and did as he asked…only because I thought I would be able to enjoy a glass solo cup of wine while he soaked in the tub.  I was wrong.  As it would turn out, there wasn’t a wine opener!!!  Figures, right?  And before we could finish searching every drawer in the house, John Eric came prancing down the hall leaving little to the imagination, if you know what I mean.  By little I mean the size of a throw pillow to be exact.

Dying to know what happens next?  Stay tuned for the rest of the story to be posted later this week (hopefully tomorrow & hopefully with pictures).

my so-called hoarding husband

Oh, I got one to make ya'll really laugh.

Tonight, Rivers an d Chasity came over for dinner.  I found myself apologizing over and over for the mess we have in our house.  As you know, we are still stuck with 2 houses and are working on getting mine sold.  Saturday we worked on this the house we live in and today we worked on the house we need to sell.

If I'm ever home longer than an hour at a time (that isn't sleeping time) I try to do some redecorating.  Why constantly redecorate?  That is where the story lies...

John Eric is a man.  He is one of those men who is always on the hunt for a "deal".  Experts call this disease hoarding.  His hoarding comes from his father as does most of the crap he drags home.  Just last weekend he made 10 trips to and from his truck to unload the "wait til you see what I got" items.

As most of you know, you can't just shoot them down send them to Goodwill (my that would be nice).  You have to entertain them and let them believe they found a gem (well, not always).  Then you find yourself faced with the biggest battle: 'How in the hell am I going to make that work in my house?'  So, Saturday I was working on that and hit a road block.  You won't be surprised by my roadblock when you see some of these pictures.  Allow me to share A FEW of his "best" finds...

As you browse, please keep in mind that I am in the middle of shifting things around.  I have to move things out until I can muster up a vision.  And sometimes I have to wait until he's not looking and sneak it out of the house.  We don't really live in an unorganized hoarder house.  Well, not completely.

A skull...we don't live in Texas.

Shells...we have TONS...I can only do so much with this...we don't live at the beach.

He thinks all of his sporting equipment should be displayed vs neatly tucked away into a closet.  He also thinks that every hat he owns should be displayed.

A broken rocking chair because every house needs one of those.

An indian.  He keeps us safe at night.

Not one, but two Bi-Lo roller baskets

Driftwood...

why not stick wine bottles and golf balls in the drift wood?

Speaking of wine bottles...he sees need in holding on to those too.

Deteriorated duck box

(on top of waders that don't fit him...but they were a good find)

A desk chair from the 1800's (maybe) for the desk we don't have

Two random pieces of pine that he still hasn't found anything to do with

A broken stainless steel Coleman cooler because those always work

A Bacardi bar mat!?!?

Some poker card dispenser chip holder thing & some fire man sign

Last, but not least, the antenna from the 90's that he refuses to take off the house in case we ever need it.  I'm sure Bill Gates won't be able to find a better solution.  Insert confused face.

I know, some (meaning like 3) of things aren't so bad.  But they are so bad when you don't have a man cave or beach house but only a 3 bedroom home.  And don't worry, its just a matter of time before these items disappear one by one.  "How about that!  Someone else had the same thing and donated it to His House. I can't believe it either.  No, we don't need another one."  WINK!

The best part about this blog is John Eric looked at my pictures and didn't think I did him justice, so he went around and took more.  The first step is Admitting.

Stage 5 Clinger in The Bathroom

Does anybody feel like hearing a story?  No? Close your browsing session then cause I'm telling one anyways.  This one is for all the little brides to be.

In case you didn't know, we currently own 2 homes and plan to list one soon.  So we spent the entire day today cleaning the yard, washing the siding, painting the front porch, etc.  It was a fulfilling yet exhausting day.

We returned home (the one we live in -duh - #winning) just before 9 o'clock.  I was sore and dirty and wanted to take a nice relaxing bath, so I tiptoed to the back of the house hoping John Eric and Brice wouldn't notice for at least 20 minutes.  20 minutes, apparently, was too much to ask.

The minute my feet hit the fiberglass John Eric ducked his head in to see what I was doing and why I left him without telling.  I forgot to add that he is only this clingy because he was a bit buzzed from the beers he consumed - he claims they "help him paint better".  Yeah Right.  Two minutes later he was back...and pouting.  He wanted to tell me that he was going to bed and he was taking Brice.  "Ok Dear" I responded while crossing my fingers behind the curtain hoping this response would be appeasing enough.  It wasn't.  I must have double crossed.

Here he comes A THIRD TIME!  Now he wants to know why I don't care that he is going to bed and why am I ignoring him.  I finally said I do care but you are getting on my nerves so please get the your drunk [behind] out of here and stop letting all my hot air out!!!!  He finally left and went to prancing down the hall singing Daddy's drunk Brice & All She Cares about is Her Hot Air & Stage 5 Clinger in The Bathroom.

Stage 5 Clinger?  Ha, I'll show you a Stage 5 Clinger.  I decided to arm myself for his next entrance.  I flung the curtain open and sat waiting with my Sweet Honeysuckle & Orange Peel body wash in my hand.  I waited for the footsteps and bellowing to get closer.  Here  he is...the door flings open and I chunked the body wash at him.  Apparently I'm the dummy in this story because I forgot he was a baseball catcher and has much faster reflexes than myself.  Before I even released the bottle he was pulling the door shut to avoid injury.  Mother Fletcher.  There goes my favorite body wash exploding ALL OVER the bathroom that I JUST cleaned today.  Why do the men always win??  Now he's parading around the hall singing Your Mommy tried to get Your Daddy Brice & You can't beat Big Daddy Rabbit.  And there I am...in a cold bathroom without any body wash.

Why do we always lose?  I guess because we are women.  And I guess I didn't really lose because we all know that had I successfully pinged him in the forehead that I would have spent the rest of the night taking care of him and rubbing his back.  At least now he will walk around with his chest poked out feeling appreciated.  In the end that's all that matters & that's what makes a happy, loving household.

Oh yeah...the lesson for the brides to be?  Ask him to get something out of the cabinet and then throw his body wash.

Yes...locking the door works too, but then they feel locked out of your heart and they can't handle that.  Trust me. They love to suggest "Take a Mydol" every time we shed a tear, but they are much more sensitive and would rather you take the time to knock them out with a bottle of soap than be locked out of the room you are in.


I'm not proofreading, so please forgive any errors.

What are you Thankful for?

Thanksgiving is quickly drawing near and, in return, so is the infamous question: What are YOU thankful for?  This year my family will be coming to our home; and ,in return, I am thankful for not having to travel.  Just a little joke, don't get your panties in a wad.  But last night, what I am truly thankful for hit me like a ton of bricks.  I laid in the bed in a whiningly state, sandwiched between the hot bodies of Brice and John Eric swearing I was in Columbia on late July/early August afternoon.